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Hoah, time after time - I think am I doing a right thing. Moving to another city, wtf? I've missed my home a lot. Or, place I used to live with my mom. It's home tho.

But, in other hand - why not? If I would live at home still - I would regret about not moving away from home. It's complicated but you know.

Tomorrow I go there and watch my friends, yeah. It will be great! And, yes. I will love 'em all. I hope I'm safe from any drama scenes, haha. And I hope me and my mother can watch some film - eat pizza made by her.

Tired steps

Okay, boring day again. Ahah, joking. But seriously, not much to do. I don't have even one half cigarette, it's the most big problem right now. I thought if I go for my neighbours.. but.. I'm not gonna show that I'm that hooked on.
School was today ok.

I looked terrible in school, I hope nobody didn't notice my flat hair, tired make upless eyes and old hoodie.
In morning I hate myself 'cause I was awake after 00:00. Yeah.

 

Yeah, I feel excatly like that, when I get home I promise to myself I go to sleep, but when I'm at home I'm not sleepy anymore.

School, hmmm. Three years left. Then I'm free to do whatever I want, and that's the part I'm waiting for. It makes me more happier to live alone and do things how I want, it's more easier to me and works for me. But it's not any dream, not at all if you thought it! I've lived four days without any money or "real" food. Today I ate in school. But still, I dont have anymore anything else than some noodles and tea. And trust me, noodles lose their taste when u've ate them couple months. But I won't complain, this is what I choosed and I'm happier here, even if my good friends are in other city, but I see them time after time. I don't forget them or stop lovin' them.

 

I should clean up, bad sides of livin' alone. But I think I go and try to do sumthin with this no-cigaret thing. 

You've gotta think..

Who is beautiful, who is not.. And who is the right person to tell who is and who not? Subject you never will find one right answer.

Somebody thinks that woman with long blond hair and big hazel eyes is beautiful. And of course big lips. I know many girls like that who is pretty.
Somebodys ideal is brown haired, dark and spicy woman with shapes. I know girls like this too.
I know many people who is pretty, to be honest I don't know many people who is not.

My all friends are pretty, and I hope this is the way people think of their own friends. I don't rate people much, but I have some celebrities I find really beautiful.
But still, even if I should pick who I look, I would just pick me. I don't find myself the prettiest person who ever lived. But still, I look me. And it's more than I can ask.

 

To me, these are the most pretties celebrities I know. Penelope Cruz and Hayden Panettiere.

But, yeah. I find many of celebrities beautiful and ugly. So. Yeah. 

It's amazing feeling when you look at the mirror and think "Damn, I look pretty today.". I hope everyone would feel it once in a day at least. And think, u've had your all life to find mistakes in you. Person who looks you at street etc, don't see them like you do. And I bet, many people think you're the most prettiest person in the world, and I bet somebodys think that you're not special. It depends about person who is looking you.

Girl, you go for your dreams

Too many bottles of cider on my desks. They're not all mine, not at all, I should maybe do something to them.

My friend left today, she is too important to me - not in "BFF for ever"-way, in way I can't really explain. I know that she have right perception about me. And I know, she don't fake just for me it. She knows who I'm, more than just girl who go to school, come back and like to see her friends and smoke cigarettes.
It's pretty complicated, I've always known some things about me - but all others are unsure. I've maybe too big dreams, but I never really have'nt care about it, 'cause I will make them true. Does'nt matter what it takes, I've it all by myself. Somebodys think I'm selfish, even my own family have told me that too many times - but I'm not the right person judge them, 'cause what they're saying is true as can be. I've lived 16 years and half, about 14 years I've thought only me and my future. Me and myself - that's the way people should think, but to somebodys it's not that smooth. I know person, who can just empty her mind of herself, all of herself and think other people.

"I know you, you always think about urself - and if you want something - you do it as long as it's yours."
"You're the only person who whould even do that, you're smart and you don't care what others say."
"That's so you; u sit in the train, and if we would look hour back. That was'nt your plan, not al all."

Yeah, that's me pretty much.

Weekend, I've waited since I moved here. This week, and then it's friday. I see person who have really made my life difficult, easy and lifeful. He is the one, who used to kiss goodnight and stroke me until I fell asleep. And one thing I know for sure, he loves me as much u can love a friend.

If u're not sure, let it be

I don't feel really good tonight, yesterday night was awesome. Night before that night, I just don't wanna think about it. Now my friend is here with me, I think she is sleeping - even if she said that she won't sleep.

I think, I won't do some things in my life for a long time, just 'cause I've had them enough at the moment. I know, I know, life must go on. I'm never sad to be honest, I just always start thinking something else. This is the first time for a long time I really hope that feeling just could go away. Strange.

Well, the most important person in my life says "Don't take anything to your shoulders, if you're not sure you did it." I know. I'm not sure still, but I know that you're there for me - mother.
She is the most important person in my whole life, she help me always when I need it, always. And there is no a thing, saying - anything, she could'nt forgive me.

So - 1, 2 ,3
Let it be, your words sounds like shit, you see?
4, 5, 6
There is nothing to fix, only feelings you could mix.
Well - 7, 8, 9
Don't pretend you're fine, I see how you're slowly dieing

New Steps, SH_BTBT